British Engineering

****** FROM  ROLLS-ROYCE STAFF MAGAZINE ******
 


 

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story)..


Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens

at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity.


The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl

to test the strength of the windshields.

American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it

on the Windshields of their new high speed trains.


Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.

 
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken shot out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens,
blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two
and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow..

The horrified Americans sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.


You're going to love this......

Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:

 
 
"Defrost the chicken first."

 

Spanish Computer

  
A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 
  
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' 

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. 

  
The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because: 

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.   

  

  
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:   

  
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, 
but half the time they ARE the problem; and 

  
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model. 

The women won. 

Very Talented Baseball Batter!!

(download)

This e-mail contains IPFX information which may be privileged or confidential and is intended for use only by the individual(s) or entity named above. If you are not the intended recipient, note that disclosing, copying, distributing or using this information is prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please advise immediately to the e-mail address above and permanently delete this message and any attachments. Please note that any views or opinions presented in this email are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the company. We monitor our e-mail system and may record your e-mails. Thank you.

Priceless

Image001
 

 

 

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. 
and is asked where he is going at this time of night. 
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about 
alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, 
as well as smoking and staying out late." 
The officer then asks, "Really? 
Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" 
The man replies, "That would be my wife."