Can You Hear Me Now?

HELP!!!
Someone dial 911, I'm being mauled by a troll!'


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'I swear a Big Doberman busted in and just tore the place up.....'
 

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How to tell when its time to make your kids sleep in their own bed....
 

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'Ahhh, the fresh, relaxing aroma of feet.......'???
 

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'Harlem Globetrotters here I come'
 


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Par-tay, Par-tay, Par-tay!
 

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'Uh, cat? What cat?'  

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There's no explaining Love.
 

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'HELLOOOO' CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW??
 

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Peace Brother!!!
 

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'
I don't know, maybe it's a chew toy'
 

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Mad Skills....
 

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If you need assistance smiling, there's always help!
 

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New ones! Wal-Mart strikes again

 Go wal-mart!

 

 

 

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Yep, you nailed it. I now have a Very Impotent Penis. Thanks.

                                          

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Its like a permanent lumbar support system. By the way, how do you even get hair to cling/mold/bind/form/shape into that? Im just asking so that I dont accidentally do it.

                                          

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Much to my, and Im sure everyone elses, surprise we have a challenger to the Old lady from 8 Crazy Nights look alike. Also, full disclosure Im a little frightened.

                                          

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I have a feeling her kids are always on their best behavior. I guess thats what happens when you have a professional spanker for a mother.

                                          

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Dont you hate it when you confuse your washing machine and your kids Spiral Splatter Creations Kit? I know I do.

                                           

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OH SNAP! Thats how Willy the Pimp does black and white son! You fake pimps better come correct next time you wanna challenge the legend.

                                            

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Ohhh, if only your parents were given that advice.

                                           

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Okay, I know the shirt has strings, and Im no Louis Vuitton, but Im pretty sure those strings werent designed to hang on for dear life.
 

                                          

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Back in my day, we didnt have these fancy Child Labor laws. You already picked up as much dirt and dust off of the floor with your feet as you could, so its time to start the full body sweep now boy.
 

                                          

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Cmon cross-dressers! If you are going to wear clothing of the opposite sex, at least give it your best effort. I mean, you obviously took the time to pick out that cute little skirt, but then BAM you ruin it with those beat up old black sneakers. I never thought Id say this, but Sir, go put on some heels!

                                          

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So, what do you do when you want to wear a different colored shirt?

                                        

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Hello Kitty, goodbye dignity.
 

                                       

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Did you look at that shirt before you put it on and honestly think it would fit, or did you put it on in 1997 when it did fit and just decided you were set for life?

                                       

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All you get is a peek.. You gotta work for it if you wanna see more! Vavoom!

                                       

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You know, I always had a sneaking suspicion Justin Timberlake was taking credit for someone elses work.

                                       

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The years may come and go, but stylin and profilin never change.

                                       

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A one piece thong and jorts. Just saying it out loud sounds awful.

                                       

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Do you have any idea how tiring it can be putting on purple sweatpants like this? Im going to take a nap right now just from thinking about it.

                                       

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For my own sanity, I have to assume that she is shoplifting pork roasts in her shirt. Simply because there is no possible way those are what you think they are. They cant be, I refuse to believe it. Dont try to reason with me.

                                        

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I guarantee that nobody in the country HAS ever, CAN ever, or WILL ever rock out as hard as these two in Walmart. End of story.

                                          

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Not quite sure what all is going on here, but I can tell you this, none of its good.
 

                                        

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Lets all take a minute to appreciate the irony of jamming the healthy choice down the back of your ass.

                                        

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I like talking to her because she always seems so surprised and interested in what im saying. That, and because she kinda looks like the old lady in Adam Sandlers Eight Crazy Nights.

                                        

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Now go on! Get up there and get me my damn Fanta!

                                        

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Well if the Cowboys want to call themselves America s Team, they need to have a true American cheerleader. I think we have found her.
 

                                       

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You kidding me? Honestly, are you kidding me? I mean really, you couldnt find pink gloves? The lack of effort is noted.
 

                                       

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No need to wrap up that bologna, Ill just put it in my trash bag shirt.