Coffee Mona Lisa
| Artist assistants stand next to 3,604 cups of coffee which have been made into a giant Mona Lisa in Sydney, Australia. |
| Artist assistants stand next to 3,604 cups of coffee which have been made into a giant Mona Lisa in Sydney, Australia. |
NIGEL JOHNSON-HILL, PARKFARM, MILLAND, LIPHOOK GU30 7JT
Rt Hon David Miliband MP
Secretary of State.
Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA),
Nobel House
17 Smith Square
London
SW1P 3JR
16 July 2009
Dear Secretary of State,
My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs.. I would now like to join the "not rearing pigs" business.
In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy.
I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?
As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this?
My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.
If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane gases?
Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear?
I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?
In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits. I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.
Yours faithfully,
Nigel Johnson-Hill
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More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska .
The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20% the world's oxygen supply.
The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean. The volume of water in the Amazon river is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States .
Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.
Ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica . This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert. The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, ice.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.
Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.
Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning ' Big Village .'
Next to Warsaw , Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.
Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan, carries the designation M-1, so named because it was the first paved road anywhere.
Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC, making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence.
Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world located on two continents.
Los Angele's full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula -- and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.
The term 'The Big Apple' was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930's who used the slang expression 'apple' for any town or city. Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time - The Big Apple.
There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin , Ireland ; more Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy ; and more Jews in New York City than in Tel Aviv, Israel ..
There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio , everyone is manmade.
The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia , at just 1.75 sq. miles/4,53 sq. km.
The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome , Italy in 133 B.C. There is a city called Rome on every continent.
Siberia contains more than 25% of the world's forests.
The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sovereign_Military_Order_of_Malta> (S.M.O.M). It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, has an area of two tennis courts, and as of 2001 has a population of 80, 20 less people than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is.
In the Sahara Desert , there is a town named Tidikelt , Algeria , which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years.
Technically though, the driest place on Earth is in the valleys of the Antarctic near Ross Island . There has been no rainfall there for two million years.
Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits.'
St. Paul, Minnesota , was originally called Pig's Eye after a man named Pierre 'Pig's Eye' Parrant who set up the first business there.
Chances that a road is unpaved in the U.S.A : 1%, in Canada : 75%
The deepest hole ever drilled by man is the Kola Superdeep Borehole, in Russia . It reached a depth of 12,261 meters (about 40,226 feet or 7.62 miles). It was drilled for scientific research and gave up some unexpected discoveries, one of which was a huge deposit of hydrogen - so massive that the mud coming from the hole was “boiling” with it.
The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
The water of Angel Falls (the World's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters). They are 15 times higher than Niagara Falls .
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object,
Only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.
The Taliban asked: 'Do you have water?'
The Jewish man replied: 'I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only US$5 ...'
The Taliban shouted: 'Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie.
I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!'
'OK,' said the old Jewish man, 'it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me.
'I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant.
'It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.'
Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead.
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'Your f****ng brother won't let me in without a tie!'
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