Divorce Letter - THIS IS JUST TOO GOOD AND IT MUST BE SHARED..

Dear wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've
been a good man to you for 7 years  & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last
straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had
cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate
in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You
don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects
us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or  you don't love me
anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me.. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia
together! Have a great life!
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Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far
cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they
drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to
mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything
if you can't say something nice, I  didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite
meal, you must have gotten me conf used with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork
7 years ago! About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the
$49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my
sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I
hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to
Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I
guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the
letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S.. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born
Carl..
I hope that's not a problem.

 

Doves Released at a Wedding. Hilarious

Imagine  the  following:  


You  have just made it through your wedding ceremony  and have stepped out on the front steps of the  church.  The photographer raises his  camera.
  Following  a  family   tradition, both  of you hold white doves  which you will release together..  

 

You and  your new bride stand shoulder to shoulder with a  dove in your hands as your friends and family  eagerly wait.  The photographer gives the  signal and    you  and your bride open your hands toward  the sky.  Not a  dry eye  anywhere, the camera flashes; the moment is  saved for eternity...

   

    

   


 
 


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Wouldn't  ya just DIE ??? And you thought the doves were  going to poop, didn't  you?

   

   

Elmo Factory

     

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There is a  factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the  Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you  tickle it under the arms.


Well,  Carol is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and  she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00  am.  

The  next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the  Personnel Manager's door.. The Foreman throws  open the door and begins to rant about the new  employee.

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He  complains that she is incredibly slow and the  whole line is backing up, putting the entire  production line behind schedule.

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The  Personnel Manager decides he should see this for  himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory  floor. When they get there the line is so backed  up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the  factory floor and they're really beginning to  pile up.

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At the end  of the line stands Carol surrounded by mountains  of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red  fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.  

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts  a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two  marbles and begins to carefully sew the little  package between Elmo's legs.

The  Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After  several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself  together and approaches Carol .

'I'm  sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a  straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood  the instructions I gave you  yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo  two test tickles.




(download)

Crazy photographer!

This is a case of a photographer photographing another photographer. The following pictures were taken by Hans van de Vorst from the Netherlands at the Grand Canyon, Arizona . The descriptions are his own. The identity of the photographer in the photos is unknown.

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I was simply stunned seeing this guy standing on this solitary rock in the Grand Canyon .

The canyon's depth is 900 meters here. The rock on the right is next to the canyon and safe.

Watching this guy wearing flip flop sandals, with a camera and a tripod I asked myself 3 questions:

1. How did he climb that rock?

2. Why not take that sunset picture from that rock to the right, which is perfectly safe?

3. How will he get back?

After the sun set behind the canyon's horizon he packed his things (having only one hand available) and prepared himself for the jump. This took about 2 minutes. At that point he had the full attention of the crowd.

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This is the point of no return. After that, he jumped in his flip flops...
The canyon's depth is 900 meters (3,000 feet) here.

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Now you can see that the adjacent rock is higher so he tried to land lower, which is quite steep and tried to use his one hand to grab the rock.

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We've come to the end of this story. Look carefully at the photographer. He has a camera, a tripod and also a plastic bag, all on his shoulder or in his left hand. Only his right hand is available to grab the rock and the weight of his stuff is a problem. He lands low on his flip flops, both his right hand and right foot slip away... At that moment I take this shot. He pushes his body against the rock. He waits for a few seconds, throws his stuff on the rock, climbs and walks away, presumably to a bathroom to change his shorts. I know I had to change mine and I was just watching.