Good one!!

A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the
hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8
days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and
have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She
even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her
teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she
might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the
hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an
ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said
I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of
the ambulance?"


God replied: "I didn't recognize you."

 
     


Just imagine

 

 


You are at a wedding .


You are a total Diva .



The best dress, a perfect hairdo...



You fall in love with an invited guest .



You get secret looks the entire night...



On the dance floor, he's by your side constantly, and he dances like a god...



You are the couple of the evening...



The anticipated moment has arrived for all single women...



The bride is about to throw the bouquet...



You are first in line, in a strategic position...



Once there, you wait for the right moment...



You look at him sensually, and with your eyes you tell him.....



If I catch the bouquet...I Will Marry You!



And then, the moment you've been waiting for...



The bride throws the bouquet...



He doesn't stop looking at you...



You jump like never before to catch the bouquet...



Your arms stretched out...



Your hands open...



And suddenly...



Image0011

    
 

 




 

 

 


 

Motherhood in the animal kingdom

Motherhood in the Animal Kingdom…

 

 

Ontheriverbank…

 

 

Att00001

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

In the Arctic…

Att00002

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

In Africa…

Att00003

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

In India…

Att00004

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

In the Ocean…

Att00005

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

In Africa…

Att00006

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

In the Arctic…

Att00007

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

In Africa…

Att00008

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

In Africa…

Att00009

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

IntheArctic

Att00010

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

AND FINALLY…

IN  FRANKSTON..!!

Att00011

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

Doesn’t it bring a tear to your eye and a lump to your throat…??

 

MY kind of chain letter !!

Image001

Hello, my name is Billy and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe, if you send them on, a poor six-year-old girl in Scotland with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to you, and everyone to whom you send 'his' email?

How stupid are we?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by a super model I just happen to run into the next day!

What a bunch of utter bullshit.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomise me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by St Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim stowaways on the Endeavour.

Fuck 'em!!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing.

I've seen all the 'send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being' forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.

The point being?

If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

Billy Connolly

PS Send me 15 bucks and then fuck off.

Image002

 


 

 

 

Financial Crisis Explained

146f3d4

Banking crisis explained

 

  

 

 Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'

Chuck  replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck  said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?'

Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Chuck said, 'Sure I can watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his two dollars.'

Chuck now works for NAB (National Australia Bank)