Why Planning is important...

Why Planning is important?

Hi,

One Night 4 college students were playing till late night and could
not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had
gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car
burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in
no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They
thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as
this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate
classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the
last 3 days.

.

.

.
   The Test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.

                       See Below for the question Paper

 Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ......... (2 MARKS)


 Q.2.. which tire burst? (98 MARKS)

       a) Front Left           b) Front Right
       c) Back Left            d) Back Right


True story from IIT Bombay ....Batch 1992

HEAT

It has been so hot in  South Australia  for over a week…40+ degrees Celsius everyday, very dry also.
 
A guy at work lives at Maude.  His wife sent him these photos of a little Koala which just walked into the back porch looking for a bit of heat relief.  She filled up a bucket and this is what happened!
 
 
 

 

(download)

I don't make em up just share them !!!


A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three

  wishes.'

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to

  mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!'

The woman said, 'That's okay.'

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband

 the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to'.

The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the

 most  beautiful Woman and   he will have eyes only for me.'

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he

 will be ten times richer than you.'

The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is

 mine.'

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild

 heart attack.'

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.



Attention female readers
: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.



Male readers
:
Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.



Moral of the story
: Women are really dumb but think they're really
smart.



Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.



PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that
 women never listen ...... now run along and put the kettle on, there's a love. 
  

 

 

'Farewell, George', we're going to miss you

  'The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.'

- George W. Bush

 

'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.'

- George W. Bush

 

'One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.'

-George W. Bush

 

 

'I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.'

- George W. Bush

 

'The future will be better tomorrow.'

- George W. Bush

 

'We're going to have the best educated American people in the world.'

- George W. Bush

 

'I stand by all the misstatements that I've made..'

- George W Bush

 

'We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe '

- George W. Bush

 

'Public speaking is very easy.'

- George W. Bush

 

'A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.'

- George W. Bush

 

'I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them.'

-George Bush

 

'We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.'

- George W. Bush

 

'For NASA, space is still a high priority.'

-George W. Bush

 

'Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.'

-George W. Bush

 

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'

- George W. Bush

Men and Women - How to die prematurely

THIS IS TOO FUNNY!!!!!

 When girls don't put out!!This was written by a guy...it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!
'So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom? 'Realising that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend
time with her . We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennisI think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally sai d, 'I think this is alldear, let's go to the cashier.'I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least she knows I'm smarter than her. Alright Ladies. Forward this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, forward it anyway. Men, forward this if you are brave enough !!!!

The Spider Guy is Back.....


Do you remember the bloke a couple of months back who tried to pay for his credit card bill with a drawing of a spider?  

Well, this is the same guy.......

Starts off with the below note which was posted through his apartment door..........followed by his reply to the invitation via email.

Image


From:
David Thorne
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 11.04am
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: R.S.V.P.

Dear Matthew,
Thankyou for the party invite. At first glance I thought it may be a child's party what with it being vibrant and having balloons but I realise you probably did your best with what little tools were available. I wouldn't miss it for the world. What time would you like me there?

Image

Regards, David.



From:
Matthew Smythe
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 3.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: R.S.V.P.

Hi David
Sorry the note was just to let you know that we might be a bit loud that night. The house warming is really just for friends and family but you can drop past for a beer if you like.
Cheers Matthew



From:
David Thorne
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 5.41pm
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

Thanks Matthew,
Including me in your list of friends and family means a lot. You and I don't tend to have long discussions when we meet in the hallway and I plan to put a stop to that. Next time we bump into each other I intend to have a very long conversation with you and I am sure you are looking forward to that as much as I am. I have told my friend Ross that you are having a party and he is as excited as I am. Do you want us to bring anything or will everything be provided?

0image

Regards, David.



From:
Matthew Smythe
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

Hi David
As I said, my housewarming is just for friends and family. There is not a lot of room so cant really have to many people come. Sorry about that mate.
Cheers Matthew



From:
David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 2.36pm
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

Dear Matthew,
I can appreciate that, our apartments are not very large are they? I myself like to go for a jog every night to keep fit but fear leaving the house so I have to jog on the spot taking very small steps with my arms straight down. I understand the problems of space restrictions all too well. If you would like to store some of your furniture at my place during the party you are quite welcome to - if we move your cane furniture into my spare room for the night and scatter cushions on the ground, that would provide a lot more seating and create a cozy atmosphere at the same time. I have a mirror ball that you can borrow. I have told Ross not to invite anyone else due to the space constraints so it will just be us two and my other friend Simon. When I told Simon that Ross and I were going to a party he became quite angry that I had not invited him as well so I really didn't have any choice as he can become quite violent. Sometimes I am afraid to even be in the same room as him. So just myself Ross and Simon. Simon's girlfriend has a work function on that night but might come along after that if she can get a lift with friends.

Regards, David.



From:
Matthew Smythe
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 4.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

Wtf? Nobody can come to the houswarming party it is just for friends and family. I dont even know these people. How do you know I have cane furniture? Are you the guy in apartment 1?



From:
David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 6.12pm
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

Hi Matthew,
I understand it is an exclusive party and I appreciate you trusting my judgement on who to bring. I just assumed you have cane furniture, doesn't everybody? Cane is possibly one of the most renewable natural resources we have after plastic, it is not only strong but lightweight and attractive. Every item in my apartment is made of cane, including my television. It looks like the one from Gilligan's Island but is in colour of course. Do you remember that episode where a robot came to the island? That was the best one in my opinion. I always preferred Mary Anne to Ginger, same with Flintstones - I found Betty much more attractive than Wilma but then I am not really keen on redheads at all They have freckles all over their body did you know? It's the ones on their back and shoulders that creep me out the most.

Anyway, Ross rang me today all excited about the party and asked me what the theme is, I told him that I don't think there is a theme and we discussed it and feel that it should be an eighties themed party. I have a white suit and projector and am coming as Nik Kershaw. I have made a looping tape of 'wouldn't it be good' to play as I am sure you will agree that this song rocks and has stood the test of time well. I am in the process of redesigning your invites appropriately and will get a few hundred of them printed off later today. I will have to ask you for the money for this as print cartridges for my Epson are pretty expensive. They stopped making this model a month after I bought it and I have to get the cartridges sent from China. Around $120 should cover it. You can just pop the money in my letter box if I don't see you before tonight.

Regards, David.



From:
Matthew Smythe
Date: Wednesday 10 Dec 2008 11.06pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

What the fu*k are you talking about? There is no theme for the party it is just a few friends and family. noone else can come IT IS ONLY FOR MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY do you understand? Do not print anything out because I am not paying for something I dont need and didnt ask you to do! look I am sorry but i am heaps busy and that night is not convenient. Are you in Apatrment1?



From:
David Thorne
Date: Thursday 11 Dec 2008 9.15am
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

Hello Matthew,
I agree that it is not very convenient and must admit that when I first received your invitation I was perplexed that it was on a Sunday night but who am I to judge. No, I am in apartment 3B. Our bedroom walls are touching so when we are sleeping our heads are only a few feet apart. If I put my ear to the wall I can hear you I also agree with you that having a particular theme for your party may not be the best choice, it makes more sense to leave it open as a generic fancy dress party, that way everyone can come dressed in whatever they want. Once, I went to a party in a bear outfit which worked out well as it was freezing and I was the only one warm. As it won't be cold the night of your party, I have decided to come as a Ninja. I think it would be really good if you dressed as a ninja as well and we could perform a martial arts display for the other guests. I have real swords and will bring them. If you need help with your costume let me know, I have made mine by wrapping a black t-shirt around my face with a hooded jacket and cut finger holes in black socks for the gloves. I do not have any black pants so will spray paint my legs on the night.

It is a little hard to breath in the costume so I will need you to keep the window open during the party to provide good air circulation. Actually, I just had a thought, how awesome would it be if I arrived 'through' the window like a real ninja. We should definitely do that. I just measured the distance between our balconies and I should be able to jump it. I once leaped across a creek that was over five metres wide and almost made it.

Also, you mentioned in your invitation that if there was anything I needed, to let you know. My car is going in for a service next week and I was wondering, seeing as we are good friends now, if it would be ok to borrow yours on that day. I hate catching the bus as they are full of poor people who don't own cars.

Regards, David.



From:
Matthew Smythe
Date: Thursday 11 Dec 2008 3.02pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

WTF? No you cant borrow my car and there is no fuc*ing 3B. I reckon you are that guy from Apartment 1. You are not coming to my house warming and you are not bringing any of your friends What the fu*k is wrong with you??? The only people invited are friends and family I told you that. It is just drinks there is no fuc*ing fancy dress and only people i know are coming! I dont want to be rude but jesus fuc*ing christ man.



From:
David Thorne
Date: Sunday 14 Dec 2008 2.04am
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Party

Hello Matthew,
I have been away since Thursday so have not been able to check my email from home. Flying back late today in time for the party and just wanted to say that we are really looking forward to it. Will probably get there around eleven or twelve, just when it starts to liven up. Simon's girlfriend Cathy's work function was cancelled so she can make it after all which is good news. She will probably have a few friends with her so they will take the mini van. Also, I have arranged a PiƱata.

Can't wait, see you tonight.

Regards, David.