I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.

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From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached <spider.gif>

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,
Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,
Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

Regards, David.

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From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,
As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached <spider2.gif>

The Rules of Pooing At Work

As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is inevitable.  For those who hate pooing at work, please read the following Survival Guide Dictionary for taking a dump at work.

 

CROP DUSTING -- When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from.  Be careful when you do this.  Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.  Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

 

FLY BY -- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing.  Walk in and check for other pooers.  If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again.  Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.  People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

 

ESCAPEE -- A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poo in a cubicle.  This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment.  If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.  Pretend it did not happen.  If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it.  No one likes an escapee.  It is uncomfortable for all involved.  Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

 

JAILBREAK -- When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.  This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover.  If this should happen, do not panic.  Remain in the cubicle until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

 

COURTESY FLUSH -- The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water.  This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink up the bathroom.  This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

 

WALK OF SHAME -- Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom.  This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you.  As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.  Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH .

 

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER -- A colleague who poos at work and is proud of it.  You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm.  Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.

 

THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) -- A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident.  This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

 

 

BBQ covers require maintenance...

I'm using my bbq this weekend... so I thought I’d clean it up….

I noticed there were bees coming from under the cover so I thought I’d kill them...

Heres the bbq in question

Now I know these bombs aren't for bees and that but I thought I’d suffocate/smoke them out. So here is the weapon of choice and delivery system.


I thought I was pretty smart hehehe designed to be easierly manovered under the cover of darkness...

So then I release the weapon of buzz destruction..

 

 

OMFG! The sound from under the cover was incredible!!! You could hear it 3m away easy...

Then I ran like the clappers....

Coming back few mins later to see the death toll...

Was at least 20mm deep mass grave

I continued to remove the cover and to light the bbq to give it a clean when I noticed some fatty looking substance on the top of the side shelf thing....

Bit weird.. I cleaned it before I put it away for winter and no way was there fat there, so I begun to wonder......

NO..... It can't be can it?

I slowly removed the rest of the cover only to find the HQ..

 

MORE PICS!

<hr size=1 width="100%" noshade color="#d1d1e1" align=center>

 

 
 
 

(download)

Management Lesson

MANAGEMENT LESSON:

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, 'I'll give you a $100 if you let me
screw you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, 'I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. '

She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
pants down.'

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.


Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.

She responded, 'The bastard used coins!'

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal
in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting
screwed! 
 

Meaty Bites

 

I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and was

Standing in line at the check-out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told  her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet

Again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the

Hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an

Intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and

IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that

It works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat

One or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally

Complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now

Enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition

Because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because

I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my dick and a car hit

Me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so

Hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid bitch...why else would I buy dog food??

Yacht Delivery

Y ACHT DELIVERY


65' custom-built motor yacht complete with 4 staterooms, a state-of-the-art galley, GPS System and radar for navigation, twin supercharged diesel engines, etc. 

$4,500,000.00

***********************************************************
 


Champagne, chocolate covered strawberries with cream and music dockside for the excited 'soon to be owners' and a small group of friends. 


$500.00
 

Att28196111


Two corporate representatives, crane, and rigging complete with faulty turnbuckle. 
$2,500/hour
 

Att28196222

(Note the guy in the stern!)
 

Watching your dreamboat nose dive into the harbor, accompanied by two corporate 
Representatives just prior to 'inking' the final paperwork...
 


Att28196333

PRICELESS!

So, how was your day.....