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Some women are evil

The Accident

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So.... you're a man.   That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."  Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"


The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."


MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are evil

Don't mess with them.

Word scrabble

 

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   DORMITORY:  
When you rearrange the letters:  
DIRTY ROOM 

   PRESBYTERIAN:  
When you rearrange the letters: 
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
MOON STARER

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   DESPERATION:  
When you rearrange the letters:  
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:  
When you rearrange the letters:  
HE BUGS GORE

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   THE MORSE CODE:  
When you rearrange the letters:  
HERE COME DOTS 

   SLOT MACHINES:  
When you rearrange the letters:  
CASH LOST IN ME

 

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   ANIMOSITY:  
When you rearrange the letters:  
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

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   MOTHER-IN-LAW:  
When you rearrange the letters:  
WOMAN HITLER 

   SNOOZE ALARMS:  
When you rearrange the letters:  
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

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   A DECIMAL POINT:  
When you rearrange the letters:  
IM A DOT IN PLACE 

   THE EARTHQUAKES:  
When you rearrange the letters:  
THAT QUEER SHAKE

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ELEVEN PLUS TWO:  
When you rearrange the letters:  
TWELVE PLUS ONE 
 

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

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PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:  
When you rearrange the letters  
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once): 
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

Light entertainment

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words!!!!!!!!

Flight school

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Cheap Way To Impress Women

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One Spoiled Elephant


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Good Advice


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Look out for the Police


Image005

Water Break


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Fighting Boredom


Image007

Smoking Bus


Image008


Entrance Only


Image009

Help

Image010




Redneck's Christmas Tree

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Excuse me.......have you seen my lost cat?

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A Baptist Church that gets right to he point!!ï


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Hope you enjoyed...
Pass along to spread the smiles!


 

 

 

Mens Perspective

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

The great question.... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. 

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.' 

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up. 

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

Women's perspective

What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.

What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.

What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

What's the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."

What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.

Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.

Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice.

Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

Three little ducks

Three little ducks go into a Bar................

"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too.  Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"


"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.

"My name is Puddles."

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