First Time
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday
night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces
to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like
to go out and make love
for the first timeThe boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to
get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his
first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an
hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about
condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks
the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or
family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so
excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner
table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy
quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in
prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still
no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes
with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'The boy turns, and whispers back,
'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'
If you DON'T forward this to at least 1 person
You have a bad sense of humor!!!
One Thousand more times than shown here! I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again
I will never complain about MY kids again ..
I will never complain about MY kids again
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
this to a parent! Now have a great day!
And be glad this is not your child!!!!!
A True Australian ghost
story
This story happened a while ago in Brisbane, and even though it
sounds
like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true. John Bradford, a
Sydney
University student, was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a
very
dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and
no
car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few
feet
ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him
and
stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it,
got
in the car and closed the door, just to realise there was nobody
behind
the wheel and the engine wasn't on!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a
curve
approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
Then,
just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window
and
turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched how the
hand
appeared every time they came to a curve. John saw the lights of a
pub
down the road so, gathering strength, jumped out of the car and ran
to
it.
Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots
of
tequila. He then started telling everybody about the horrible
experience
he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realised
he was
crying and.... wasn't drunk.
About 15 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub. They
were
also wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John
Bradford
sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, "Look, Bruce..
here's the
f*cking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing
it."
He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, the off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights..
He moved the vehicle forward and a few centimetres, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes, as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and stared to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put the flashing lights, promply pulled the man over and carried out a breathalysyer test. To his amazement the breathalyser indicaed no evidence of the man's intoxication. The police officer said 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipement must be broken'. 'I doubt it' said the man, 'tonight I'm the designated decoy'.Love him or hate him, he sure hits
the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High
School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about
how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of
kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in
the real world.
Rule
1: Life is not fair - get used to
it! Rule
2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world
will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about
yourself. Rule
3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high
school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn
both. Rule
4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a
boss. Rule
5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your
Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it
opportunity. Rule
6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so
don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. Rule 7: Before you were born, your
parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your
bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you
thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your
parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. Rule 8: Your school
may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools,
they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you
want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to
ANYTHING in real life. Rule 9: Life is not divided into
semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in
helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time. Rule 10: Television is NOT real life.
In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to
jobs. Rule
11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for
one.