HIS FIRST TIME!!!

 

First Time    


A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday
   night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces
to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like
to go out and make love
for the first time

   The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to
get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his
first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an
hour.  He tells the boy everything there is to know about
condoms and sex.  At the register, the pharmacist asks
the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or
family pack.  The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so
excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner
table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy
quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.


A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in
prayer, with his head down.  10 minutes pass, and still
no movement from the boy.  Finally, after 20 minutes
with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'

The boy turns, and whispers back,
'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'


 

If you DON'T forward this to at least 1 person
You have a bad sense of humor!!!


 
 

 


 


 
 

 


Repeat after Me (slight a/c)

 

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One Thousand more times than shown here!

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again
I will never complain about MY kids again
..
I will never complain about MY kids again
I will never complain about MY kids again
...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


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I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


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I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


Att00004

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


Att00005

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


Att00006

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


Att00007

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


Att00008

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...

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I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


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I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


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I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


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I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


Att00013

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


Att00014

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


Att00015

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


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I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...

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I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again
...


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this to a parent!

Now have a great day!
And be glad this is not your child!!!!!

 

 

 

 

A True Australian ghost story

A True Australian ghost story

This story happened a while ago in Brisbane, and even though it sounds
like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true. John Bradford, a Sydney
University student, was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very
dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no
car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet
ahead  of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and
stopped. John,  desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got
in the car and  closed the door, just to realise there was nobody behind
the wheel and the  engine wasn't on!

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a curve
approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then,
just  before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and
turned the  wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand
appeared every  time they came to a curve. John saw the lights of a pub
down the road so,  gathering strength, jumped out of the car and ran to
it.

Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of
tequila. He then started telling everybody about the horrible experience
he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realised he was
crying and.... wasn't drunk.

About 15 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub. They were
also  wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John Bradford
sobbing at  the bar, one said to the other, "Look, Bruce.. here's the
f*cking idiot  that got in the car while we were pushing it."

 

 

THE TALE OF THE ARAB FLIGHT CREW

THE TALE OF THE ARAB FLIGHT CREW                                          
Written by To The Point News                                              
http://www.tothepointnews.com/content/view/3207/85

Friday, 16 May 2008

The brand spanking new Airbus 340-600, the largest passenger airplane ever built, sat in its hangar inToulouse, France without a single hour of airtime. Enter the Arab flight crew of Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technologies (ADAT) to conduct pre-delivery tests on the ground, such as engine runups, prior to delivery to Etihad Airways in Abu Dhabi.

The ADAT crew taxied the A340-600 to the run-up area. Then they took all four engines to takeoff power with a virtually empty aircraft.  Not having read the run-up manuals, they had no clue just how light an empty A340-600 really is.

The takeoff warning horn was blaring away in the cockpit because they had all 4 engines at full power. The aircraft computers thought they were trying to takeoff but it had not been configured properly (flaps/slats, etc.)

Then one of the ADAT crew decided to pull the circuit breaker on the Ground Proximity Sensor to silence the alarm. This fools the aircraft into thinking it is in the air.  The computers automatically released all the brakes and set the aircraft rocketing forward. The ADAT crew had no idea that this is a safety feature so that pilots can't land with the brakes on.

Not one member of the seven-man Arab crew was smart enough to throttle back the engines from their max power setting, so the $200 million brand-new aircraft crashed into a blast barrier, totaling it. The extent of injuries to the crew is unknown, for there has been a news blackout in the major media in France and elsewhere. Coverage of the story was deemed insulting to Moslem Arabs. Finally, the photos are starting to leak out.

Airbus $200 million air craft meets retaining wall and the wall wins....               

(download)

The Aussie Drink Driver (True story)

The Aussie Drink Driver  (True story)

Drink Driving....THIS is absolutely brilliant!

Only an Aussie could pull this one off!

From the state where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from the Shoalhaven, New South Wales.

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood pub. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.  After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. 

He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. 

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, the off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights..

He moved the vehicle forward and a few centimetres, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes, as some more vehicles left.

At last he pulled out of the car park and stared to drive slowly down the road.  The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put the flashing lights, promply pulled the man over and carried out a breathalysyer test.

To his amazement the breathalyser indicaed no evidence of the man's intoxication. 

The police officer said 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipement must be broken'.

'I doubt it' said the man, 'tonight I'm the designated decoy'.

Bill Gates - Rules for Life

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Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1
: Life is not fair - get used to it! 

Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. 

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both. 

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. 

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity. 

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. 

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. 

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. 

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time. 

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. 

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.